Rayn-Ingrained

DSC_0247

Jeanette ponders a wandering,

“Why is the measure of love loss?”

Is it not upon The Cross?

Is it True, Permanent Loss?

Will we meet again

in God’s Heaven

on day number Seven

with our Brethren?

Until Unreality becomes Real

I’ll fathom fully Your absence.

To Your Ghost I’ll remain true

Bonded by Eternal Glue.

I’ve never known a Home.

At times I’ve felt

completely alone

my flesh, Two bones.

My father left me

to survive.

Abba Abandoned Me

to die Alive this time.

Oxymoron Mountain

A view through the narrow Nes Canyon, near Husavik, north west Iceland. This canyon is formed by a fault  in Iceland's volcanic landscape that has filled with glacial spring water.

Ayesha R. Gill, alias Blue Angel Ayes, climbs circumspect, under-towed into a subduction zone. Battling to surface an Omnipresent Ocean, Ayesha’s faculties remain thoroughly intact.


Tectonic Plate Boundary:

Subduction Zone Unknown.

Cut, chasing colorful corals

She is scorched viscously.

Her breath steadies. Oxygen…

Paucity. Copped by Authority.

Depressed by Respiratory Arrest,

find: High Altitude Bubble Test.

in The Dream I drown

as I summit A. Mount.

Raynbows

Shine & Shimmer

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ChelSea’s SunRays

Chelsea Walking Emmie

Salvation Flying High

Vein

by Raymond Krajcsi & Ayesha Gill, Recovered Addicts



Morning Rays shine; despite

pained Ayes. We arise

half-lived.

Sleep deprivation, a panicked sensation.

Body aching and hypothermic shaking.

Corporeality overtaking.

 Dependence upon pills

Prescribed is extraordinary,

life-saving, and wise.

T  r  a  n  s  m  u  t  a  t  e

the street’s Heat;

You’re never Beat.

For a moment, Dream.

Junk the plight.

Stand up and Fight!

Addiction’s Darkest Night

does not own Your Life

Only You can make things right.

“I am the Alpha and Omega (Rev. 22:13)”

Work Cited

The Holy Bible: New International Version. Colorado Springs, Colorado: Biblica, Inc., 2011.

From Red to Blue and Back, Flashing…

Flashing Back to the past

I ask I reply the answer

is why did I try to end

my life. Live allusion

of death repressed

oppressed. Did I try

at fault or misfortune

to cease to be body

mind crying silently

inside the guilt kills.

Raynbow offers advice.

I type, ‘Striving’ is Dying.

I recall a sirens flashing

ambulance oxygen mask

tussionex emptied my flask

grateful to Be

FLASHING BACK

CONSTANTLY

INTO THE PAST.

God intervenes to save

my breath, my voice

He takes. Intubated,

unconscious, restrained.

Despite Death the mind’s

eye never, ever slept.

The Language of Silence

DSC_0091-2


Penetrate Sublime

sighs of Surprise.

Awestruck Ayes abide,

A Sun-Ray’s Bride,

I Do confide.

Halos of Lies,

appear, arise.

Beams inside

tried and tried

fears Subside.

The Abscessed Blame

contaminates in vain.

The Absence of shame

Will Supersede pain,

Transmuting my vein.

Contrivances abate,

paired-soles await…

Impossible to placate.

Two-Souls-Alleviate

games disintegrate.

Residual Pillars

of Light remain,

so bright, sustain

The Legend of Love

A Gift from Above.



The Plant Beast

17th November 2000

I recently had a consciousness-altering experience—at least I believe it was recent.  I cannot be sure that I am writing at this very moment. I cannot even be sure that I am present in my normal reality.  Appearance justifies no reliable reality at this point in time.  All of existence may now be fallacious or merely fragmented figments of my imagination.  Is it possible that someone other than myself has also experienced such a paralytic experience?  If so I may not be considered ‘insane.’  If not I will likely be castigated for dreaming such bizarre dreams—the masses thrive upon ignorance.  I am no longer sure where my mind lies.  Now my pen shall purge miserable abominations: the horrors causing the demise of my ‘sanity,’ intoxicating my anemic soul, and permeating my un-consciousness with deplorable pleasure.

I walked outside into the crisp, fall air and discerned the sublime, unearthliness of the day.  I decided to take a stroll into the hills surrounding my home.  As I walked I stepped on a patch of unidentifiable weeds.  I had not realized until I glanced back over my tracks that those weeds had crushed under the weight of my feet, ejecting visible spores into the atmosphere.  I do not know if I inhaled the potentially toxic spores.  I speak of these spora because they adhere to my mind and cloud my eyes with great detail.  As I proceeded I observed a cave, which I had not seen in the past.  The entrance was a crevice into which I climbed, stood up, and looked around.  The inside was a cave, like any other, however, a glint of green light crackled and shone through another fracture at the far end.

Out of pure curiosity I fearlessly approached the eerie, green glare.  I reached the crevice from which the light originated and crept into the second opening.  Inside there were gargantuan stalagmites and stalactites inundating the cave.  The cuspidate structures were dripping green, viscous, mineral-based matter.  I existed awestricken. As I scrutinized my surroundings I grew increasingly relaxed.  The green, viscous matter hypnotized me.  I was in a state of perpetual bliss, however, I soon came to realize that I was unable to move.  I had become a part of the cavern walls; the green matter had begun to devour my body!  Roots of an unearthly and gruesome plant held my limbs prey!  At this point no sensation remained in my body.  All that I possessed was a gut inclination that I was being ingested alive by an odious, beastly king of plant life!  I forced my eyelids shut, knowing that the green and brown monster would next prey upon my vision. I dared not to peer around any longer.

The following morning I awoke in my bed; the sun shone through my bedroom window.  This felt too wonderful to be true so I quickly got dressed and walked into town.  The town itself appeared to be unchanged from the last time I had seen it, except that there were no people anywhere in sight!  I was sure it was day and on any other day the town would have been bustling with life.  I searched for a familiar soul but failed to find any signs of human life.  I walked through town and contemplated what I might do next.  It occurred to me that I should visit the local church.  I do not regularly attend church, but on such a day I deemed it a necessity.

Upon my arrival at the church there was a group of people gathered around the priest.  I correctly assumed that a member of our town had passed away—everyone was attending the funeral.  I hesitantly approached the huddled mess of people and proceeded to make my inquiry, “Who died?”  No one acknowledged my presence, so I cried out, “WHO DIED, DAMN IT?”  Still, not a single one of these pathetic imbeciles answered my question, as if I ceased to exist.  This blatant show of disrespect was infuriating.  As I stood psychotic, red-cheeked, and engulfed within an ocean of emotion, the priest stated my name.  How in Hell could I have been involved in the death of some ignoramus!

At that moment I stumbled over to the coffin only to see my rotting corpse!  I was a spirit attending my own funeral. I now thought myself mad beyond the farthest reaches of madness.  I was attending my own funeral but since when was I dead?  As I began to ponder about what I had just witnessed the whole world turned white and vanished.  I might add that this was truly miraculous, for it appended the possibility that I was not a rotting corpse at all.  It may have been an awful nightmare.  That white implosion was blinding, therefore, I felt the exigency to close my eyes completely. I was stupefied, slipping in and out of consciousness, however, I vaguely recall seeing that eerie green light one, last time.  After that I can bethink nothing but a silent blackness.

I roused in the hospital bed in which I lay at this exact moment.  This is why I do not know where my sanity lies.  Is any singular reality real or does one create one’s own reality?  The only credence that will keep me sane within the confines of my mind is that I create my own reality. I shall now fall into my Reality—the eternal peace of dreamless sleep.

Lamictal’s Kill

Ayesha

Imprisoned by Fear’s Flight

Opiates Sped me right

to My Life or Death Fight.

Carbon Dioxide lungs

cried blood oxygen

level declined.

Sunlight perished inside

of my neurologically

abnormal mind.

Restrained.

Intubated.

Comatose.

Nights Mar

My Suicide

Failed Soul.

Internal Peace

WILL never last

This too Shall Pass.

The Pendulum’s Swing

Repeats Beneath

My PTSD Wounded Feet.

I made a fatal suicide attempt on May 16th, 2013. I was unconscious and intubated in the Intensive Care Unit at Morristown Medical Center for 7 days.

I fought for my life and with help from Above, I survived. Today I celebrate the anniversary of my survival as a Second Birthday.

I am Ayesha.

I Survive.

I am Alive.

Eagles’s WillowWood

 

Irregardless of Change

Staring at the haze

of yesterday

I fail to Live

Today.

In the moment

I am blind

to the moments

lost in time.

Memories foam tides

emotions ebb and rise

Today

I am Alive.

Wellness is my wish

come true

Grounded I’m no longer

Blue.

The Future’s veins

fueled by Change;

unknowns remain

Falling like Rain.

Snow Angels

The Path - B&W

To Chelsea

in The Snow

I go.

Little L’Angels

Love

to Glow.

 

Ammi

Ammi, Emmie, and Zinnias

Thank you, Ammi
forever always
loving me.

I’ve tried so hard,
a blinded
scrapyard.

Every tomorrow’s
A-Child.
My bury denial.

Alive a while,
my life a trial
You make me smile.

“Doom and gloom”
swept away
by your broom.

Thank you, Ammi
for-never, ever
losing faith…
in February two.
I love you.

~Ayesha

Script Light

Pill Case

Staring down the barrel

of an Rx arsenal

custom designed to ease

the demons inside

my ‘abnormal’ mind.

I don’t want to live

popping these pills

whose effects are dark

to help me fight

inside, The Light.

It’s black, it’s true

it’s black and blue

without these pills

The Light is Bright

I’ll win this Fight.

Angel

Angel Poem Final

The Christmas Rose

Christmas Rose IVChristmas Rose Iimage

The Light Fades

Juliana

In the moonlight

of the sunlight

and the dryspell

of the rain,

One stands naught

to gain.

Darkness will bind

The Lightness, lifting

blinds; hindsight.

As the light fades

each and everyday

My Light Inside

seems to fade away.

The Sun Never Says

The Sun of The Great Swamp

Even

After

All this time

The sun never says to the earth,

“You owe

Me.”

Look

What happens

With a love like that;

It lights the

Whole

Sky.

Hafiz

Fallings on a Sunbeam

“The Days of Dark”

by

Ayesha R. Gill, Blue Angel Ayes

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La Fleur Avec Moi Nom DSC_0102 Aster Ice

Nothing makes the world so cold,

the world so cold and bleak

nothing makes the world so cold as the sun’s retreat

the days grow dark in night’s new shawl

green leaves turn shades and fall

short summers gone and nights are long

before the winter fall

the flowers die and I do sigh

for death is all I see

as days grow dark in night’s new shawl

forever this repeats.

Nothing makes the world so cold, the world so cold and bleak

nothing makes the world so cold as the sun’s retreat

the days grow dark in night’s new shawl

the moonlight makes us small

the air is crisp the heat grows weak

the winter wakes from sleep

collecting nuts to stay alive

the chipmunk takes his keep

the winter wants to prey again

upon the weakest link. 

Nothing makes the world so cold, the world so cold and bleak

nothing makes the world so cold as the sun’s retreat

the days grow dark in night’s new shawl

the clocks turn back and weep

the sunlight has retreated now

for months we all shall sleep

until the day she shines again

warmth we all shall seek

but in these bitter winter months

love is all we’ll keep.

DSC_0116 cropped-dsc_0095.jpg Ayesha

Frelinghuysen Arboretum

Anemone’s Windflower

Anemone II

Skyline Serena’s Perennial Garden II

Zinnia Rudbekia Hirta Hardy Geranium Phlox (David) Coreopsis (Moonbeam) Coreopsis (Moonbeam) Zinnia Gallardia

The Celestial Sound of Pells Voice

Pells Voice

Click play, relax, and enjoy the music, compliments of The Pathologist, The Dentist, and The Accountant.

pellsvoice.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=17&v=PUswtu1wjcw

The Red Knight

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Close Up.”

The Red Knight

The Entropy

Mandevilla

Skyline Serena’s Perennial Gardens

DSC_0115DSC_0098-2DSC_0059DSC_0033-2DSC_0001-3DSC_0033 DSC_0001-2 DSC_0031 DSC_0010 DSC_0008 DSC_0006Anemone DSC_0095 DSC_0087 DSC_0077 DSC_0037 DSC_0012 DSC_0036 DSC_0008

Chelsification

Two

In my heart there is one,

little darling in the sun;

all she wants to do is play

every single precious day.

She cannot be any sharper,

naught to six, Chelsea Harper;

all she wants to do is ride

it is good to be alive.

Everyday is warm and sunny,

every laugh is extra funny;

The Sea will always be sublime

we still have a joyful time.

Dancing eternally,

The Two

our Music staying

our Voices playing.

Sergeant Devitalization

Cold Metal Cuffs

a useless bluff.

Theft of pills

with intent to kill…

My Self.

Ammi, I did not say,

“FLASHBACKS!”

My Fragile State

I failed to abate…

I’d lost my Inner Strength.

impulsive departures

gave me custody

of two, class 3

felonies, awarded

To Me…

I will forNever

Surrender to Lies

seen by the blind.

One plea represents Me:

Not Guilty.

Reality-Police-Monopoly

IN AMERICA, WE

ARE GUILTY

UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.

Today we are victims in a Police State.  Watch your back. The pigs want to attack.

Devoid Of A Void

Red reverberations trickle
but the Scarlet kinds
Stab.

Scarlet Eyes
something I…
will always find.



Scarlet Eyes
something I…
did not design.



Clinging
to Hope
A-lone.



Suffering
the inverse
of Singing.



Scarlet eyes cry
by Suicide
She Dies.



Scarlet Eyes Dry.
The Child Inside
Is Still Alive.



She is
Devoid
Of a Void.

She Perceives
Reasons
She Believes.

She trades
Life’s Pain
for Faith.

My Scarlet Eyes

See Love, Above.

my Burnt Heart

beats in between

Majestic Wings,

Eternally.

Burnt Hearts Heal

~The Phoenix~


by Ayesha R. Gill

Dedicated to S.F., Forever Professor of Sun in Fire

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